Lights Please

Fashions come and go quickly, but internet sensations travel at the speed of light. Who could have (or would have) predicted that the colors of a striped dress would be such a popular topic of conversation and debate (if only for a few hours). Was the dress white and gold, or blue and black? The colors were clear, even to someone like me who does not readily participate in color games. Why play when you know you are going to lose? Is that sport coat caramel or gold, the shirt – cherry or merely red?

Variations in shades of color are one of those things that are defined in the eye of the beholder – it often is subjective (based on personal opinions and beliefs), whereas an objective view can be measured and observed. People will often disagree on issues where there is no clear answer, yet they find it impossible to entertain the other side’s perspective.

Is the sound system volume too high? Ginger or Mary Ann? Stripes, plaids or neither? There is simply no accounting for taste. I will like what I like and you may like what you like – can’t we all just get along?

But what about the issues that lie on a grander scale – those that have important immediate consequences or eternal significance? When the discussion involves topics such as choosing abortion instead of adoption, accepting creation over evolution, professing to know God or preferring no god, the tone can be less than cordial.

I have my opinions, and like many friends of mine, I will be happy to share them at the drop of a hat, or cap (if you prefer). To keep the number of friends from dwindling, it is important to tailor my words when broaching a potentially sensitive subject.

Bernard Meltzer said “If you have learned how to disagree without being disagreeable, then you have discovered the secret of getting along – whether it be business, family relations, or life itself.”  I haven’t learned yet.

There are those that will end a discussion by agreeing to disagree. I don’t usually go along with that. I always want to make sure the other person sees it my way. This, of course, leads to problems. I can more readily tolerate another person’s perspective only if I believe they have understood mine. Dennis Prager says, “I prefer clarity over agreement.”  Indeed, I have so much to learn.

Last Thursday at the office Kathy, Ruth and I were divided over what color the dress was. What was remarkable is that I was allied with one of them.  Usually in the matters of colors I am left standing alone, embarrassed and humiliated. But this time, I witnessed two women, who were looking at the same picture, disagree (without being disagreeable) over what color this stupid dress was.

At first I thought I was being teased and set–up for a joke. But, in the end, it came down to a matter of perspective and lighting. While the subjects of religion and politics have fallen out of fashion, most of us can still calmly discuss the color of a dress.

All that glitters is not gold – I have learned it might be black. Truth doesn’t change – we just need to be enlightened.