Putting the Fun in Funeral

I never really liked surprise parties, as I don’t really like surprises. I have given explicit instructions to never throw me another one.

There have been several parties that were held, at least partially, in my honor: Birthday parties – most notably my 1^st, 30^th and 50^th, high school graduation and, of course, my wedding. I had little or nothing to do with the planning of any of them. Well, perhaps you could say that with my wedding I got to be involved at some level. I believe I was instrumental in selecting the groomsmen.

I was talking with some friends of mine last week and one of them brought up the untimely death of a young man in his early twenties. It seems that this young man had displayed incredible foresight by taking the unusual step of planning his funeral.

So, upon hearing this, I got to thinking about my own funeral. I will be the first to state that many, if not all, of my commentaries are different – some are just more different than others. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon – but just in case, here you go with my preliminary thoughts.

Now I believe that I will be in heaven in the next life and I will have someone at the service explaining the whys and hows. In some circles it is known as an altar call. As far as I can tell, that could be the most reverent part of the whole service.

I have been known to laugh and joke at funerals, perhaps it’s my grieving style – or maybe it’s because I don’t take myself too seriously. I expect some people will be sad about my passing, but I hope more won’t be glad I’m dead. Rather, I am counting on leaving people with the thought that they we’re glad I had lived. Maybe I could have cards printed out for everyone that say, “Thanks for coming, I was glad to know you. Jerry.”

I believe that a celebration of a life well lived and a new life to come would be preferred instead of a somber and stodgy service – not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just don’t think it’s my style.

I would prefer an open-house feel. As the saying goes, nobody’s invited but everyone is welcome. Regrets only. There should be an open-microphone for people to tell stories without me interrupting with my version. I will have prepared a few remarks for the occasion, perhaps even a video of me talking about the day and the days before. There should be a scripture reading to add some credibility to the affair.

Some music should be playing in the background – not too loud to drown out polite conversation, but loud enough to appreciate the song being played. An eclectic mix would be nice; some bluegrass, classical, country, rock and roll, jazz, and gospel music. I don’t have the list yet – but “Funeral for a Friend” by Elton John, and “Linus and Lucy” by Vince Guaraldi come to mind. Dancing would be allowed – it should even be encouraged. I don’t think I will be taking requests though.

Irreverent? Yeah maybe – but why be serious in a time like this. After all, it’s my funeral. No funeral flowers, just some live plants strewn about. I think there should be food: snacks, hors d’oeuvres, candy, and lots of desserts. The desserts should be eaten first because you just never no. There should be beverages – maybe a cash bar. 

Since I am not yet decided on cremation, I would like to be dressed in jeans, a button-down shirt and a stylish sport coat. My hope and request is that it not look like a normal funeral – maybe I could surprise everyone there with a party instead.