Unnoticed

Today I am going to dispel a myth (or is it dispell?) and try and solve a mystery. It is generally believed that men are clueless when it comes to noticing changes to someone’s appearance, or at least less vigilant than women. This last week I discovered that women are not any better in this regard, and I am not sure why.

We have all heard the ill-timed comments such as, “Have you lost weight?” (when clearly you have gained), “When is your baby due?” (you are not pregnant), and  “Are those new glasses?” (first pair ever in thirty years). But I suppose some comment, no matter how wrong, may be better than none at all.

From time to time I will grow a beard, usually when the cold weather sets in.  But not in November because that’s when everyone else does it – well maybe not everyone, men are the ones who participate in Movember.

This year I quit shaving shortly after Christmas. It didn’t take long for the women in my life to comment: My wife, my daughter and a woman I work with all asked the same thing, “Are you growing a beard?”

I kept the beard for about a month and then, like so many other things, I grew tired of it and shaved it off – but not completely. I went back to the look I had before the beard – a goatee (so named because the originator of the style was a goat).

Last Sunday I told my wife I was going to shave my beard, so I took the clippers, a mirror and went out to the garage where messes are tolerated.

After that I went upstairs and put a blade to the stubble.

Now I will allow that I am not the most striking of men, and that perhaps my appearance does not lend itself to comments, but it seemed that I could expect a favorable word or at least a nod of affirmation from my wife. I mean after all, I had announced it. Nothing.

On Monday I went to the office where I presented myself to my female co-worker. More nothing, but in her defense she hadn’t seen me in a couple days (much to her satisfaction), and I had made no declaration of my intentions on the Friday before.

A few days later I saw my daughter and heard not a word about my changed appearance. It was then that I considered that the beard just wasn’t that noteworthy.

On Thursday, my friend, Pat, stopped by my office and immediately remarked that I had shaved my beard, and I in turn commented that he had shaved his as well. Over lunch he relayed a story about how the lady he keeps company with had not noticed his changed appearance either – even after he had declared that he was going to comply with her desire that he shave.

The nice thing about hearing that story was that I was able to take comfort in knowing that I was not alone – instead it may be that women generally brush aside the removal of a beard. They notice when you start growing a beard (because they detest it), but they don’t notice when you shave it  (because they learned to ignore it).

I don’t know the reason, but women generally seem to overlook a shaved beard. However, it does highlight one more difference between she and he, one more difference between the myth and myster(y).