Thank you for Subscribing

Dear Sir or Madam of the StarTribune Subscription Services,

I received your invoice in the mail with the note, “Thank you for subscribing.” That is printed boldly on the return envelope, which has been included for my convenience, as well as yours I suppose. You are very clear about what is and is not to be included on the invoice. “Please do not write comments on this invoice” is also written in bold type. Therefore, I am enclosing this letter in the return envelope.

Although I must admit the trail of correspondence is quite confusing: It appears your invoice, for a Minneapolis newspaper, was sent first class, presorted and postage paid from Palatine, Illinois. The envelope you included for me to return my money in will be delivered to St. Louis, Missouri and not St. Louis Park, Minnesota (which seems more logical as it is just down the road from Minneapolis).

Unfortunately, my sending you money does not guarantee that you will hold up your part of the bargain – which is to deliver newspapers to my home Saturday and Sunday. I no longer expect the paper to be there when I walk down my rural driveway; I hope it is, but quite often it is not and I am tired of being disappointed. On the infrequent occasion when the paper is in the box or laying on the road I am happy and a little surprised.

Since there are no stores within walking distance of my home I rely on you to deliver the news to my home. Yes, I know there are other options; there is the on-line version of your paper (along with other internet news sites), TV, the radio and news magazines that are delivered through the U.S. postal service.

But I like a daily newspaper. I like to hold it, to fold it and to read it. I want to see who died and who is still alive. I want to see what the weather was yesterday and what I should expect tomorrow; to read what stupid things our current leaders and future leaders have said; to see what investments I should avoid, who won and lost on the ice, the field, the court and to be entertained by the comics section.

When my dad had a cabin up north he would, as part of his morning routine, start up the old pick-up and drive to town for the newspaper. I have driven in to town myself a time or two in my own truck from my own home, but lately I have given up, as I would be driving in far too frequently to justify a paid subscription. So, more often than not, I do without the paper. I miss it and I grumble about it.

My friend Pat, who has given up on your newspaper for philosophical reasons, drives to the store every day for the St. Paul paper, as they don’t deliver out here. He has developed a morning routine complete with “the regulars” who meet at the store about the same time every morning. I suppose I could try that, but I have trouble taking care of the friends I have.

On your invoice you give me the option of spending another 99 cents a week to have another newspaper not delivered to my home on a regular basis. That’s a bargain, as I am being billed $36.16 for eight weeks of hit and miss delivery.

You also give me a choice of adding a tip for the carrier. I think I will stick to giving a gift at Christmas, which I strategically place in the box instead of trusting you to deliver the tip. But now that I am in the giving mood, let’s say we try this again. Enclosed please find $36.16.

Please accept my gratitude in advance: Thank you for delivering.