New Year's Eve

The year is almost over and radio stations are playing the top 2,009 songs. We get an opportunity to fool ourselves for a few weeks – a few months for the really committed ones. We do this by making public proclamations regarding matters normally discussed only with family and friends. Most everyone feels it would be easier to change someone else other than themselves, but that’s what marriage is for.

New Year’s resolutions know no limits, only that you promise to do more of what is good and less of what is bad. No one resolves to become obese, start smoking, or to give into violent mood swings. I suspect that most people are sincere in their belief that they can change for the better – it certainly beats admitting they are doomed to hanging on to habits that have taken years to develop.

In the past I made resolutions for the New Year under duress. I had not thought of any thing ahead of time and didn’t want to appear smug when quizzed about empty promises. This was more to do with my unwillingness to set goals than my candidacy for sainthood – which, according to good authority, is not forthcoming.

Now instead of telling people I plan on living as a monk for the next year, I explain that because I am unsure where to begin I do nothing. I then ask for their suggestions as to what they would like to see changed in me for the New Year. Then I return the favor. This exchange can turn rather heated even among the closest friends.

But, for most people January 1 allows them to improve their life, or at least themselves. People resolve to do this, and not do that. This time of year is a warm-up for the Lenten season. Lots of people “give up,” some trait, habit or vice for Lent. I want to believe that the success rate is higher during Lent as God has been made a party to the contract.

Resolutions are considered to be more serious if they are made public. Supposedly if more people are made aware of your promises you are more likely to keep them. I think if more people are nosing their way into your life you are more likely to get crabby.

To test that theory I am willing to go public with my resolutions for the new year. Some of these I have no intention of keeping and I only include them as a way to honor the tradition of trying to improve myself, at least for a few weeks.

I resolve to:
• Lose more hair
• Improve my memory.
• Lose weight and not find it again – my friend Chuck says that is the problem with most diets. I say the problem with most diets is that you can’t eat as much as you want of the things you like.
• Watch better quality TV. This of course means I will watch less TV.
• Read more (especially The Bible).
• Restore my brother’s VW Bug (which I’m sure will cause me to swear more).
• Swear less (the Bug restoration may take longer this way).
• Improve my memory. I know – that was poor.
• Write my columns any other time than right before the deadline.
• Pray more – other than in church and at meal time.

The new year gives us a chance to make a choice: improve or implode. If you don’t change anything – the record skips and replays your mistakes. But if things couldn’t possibly get any better, dance the night away.