I am puzzled by the saying “I know it like the back of my hand.” I know it means that someone knows something very well, as well as the back of their hand. But what makes the back of a person’s hand so well known by them?
Is it because they look at it all the time and have memorized its shape, color and imperfections, or is it because the back of their hand is at the end of their arm, and therefore it must be theirs because who else could it belong to?
It is things like this that keep me awake at night; that and the rash on the back of my hand. I have had this rash, this itchy redness for several weeks. This has happened before so it didn’t alarm me.
Several years ago I visited my physician about my pre-leprous affliction, and he referred me to a dermatologist. Either my condition or my insurance coverage didn’t warrant an audience with the dermatologist herself, so I was treated by her assistant.
I was given a prescription for some cream that made my hands look like my grandmother’s. I would have been happier with large strong hands like my father, but instead I got these.
I don’t want to complain about my hands because, well, because I have hands and they work reasonably well. But they do have their shortcomings. For instance, they can’t tie a good knot or build something sturdy out of wood. When I get a cup of coffee at a shop I have to either get a cup sleeve or ask for a second cup to insulate the first cup, as I can’t hold hot things. But I can type and I’m learning to play the banjo.
I used the prescribed cream faithfully, but after a couple refills I was told I needed to see the doctor again. Again? I hadn’t seen her the first time. So, instead of going back to the dermatologist who had handed the handling of my hands over to her assistant, I took matters into my own hands.
I tried to treat myself with an impressive collection of balms, creams, emollients, gels, lotions, moisturizers, ointments, and salves. However, the rash would come and go seemingly without regard to my treatments.
Recently, the itching began to dominate my thinking and interrupt my sleep. I started to go to bed with socks over my hands to keep the salve from staining the sheets and to keep me from scratching. Other than producing some late-night sock-puppet shows, I wasn’t making any progress.
I scratched and rubbed my hands until I couldn’t take it any longer. Concerned that I may have contracted some rare case of flesh-eating bacteria, I made an appointment with a dermatologist who had come highly recommended by a friend.
The first available appointment was more than a month out. For the next thirty or so days the condition worsened with the rash spreading up my arms towards my heart and, what I imagined, certain death. Shirts, coats and questions from the curious irritated me; I found myself hiding my hideousness from the peering eyes of the public, lest I be labeled “unclean” and shunned as a social outcast.
When the glorious day arrived I was at the doctor’s office an hour early, hoping that perhaps my enthusiasm would be rewarded with an early entry. When the doctor entered the room he reached out to shake my hand – something I had not expected a dermatologist to do.
He spent the next 20 minutes looking at my hands and conversing with me. He explained that I had eczema (Greek) or dermatitis (Latin), the same general skin ailment but with different names. He suggested a light coating of olive oil (Italian) and a prescribed cream on top of that. I expected him to add oregano and basil to the menu.
Although I may have to be deal with this the rest of my life, the good doctor has given me relief. My hands are healing, the puppets are back in the drawer and I am beginning to recognize the backs of my hands again.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Hostess
My friend Jeff, who enjoys stretching the truth (he likes to fib for fun), recently told me that Hostess had filed for bankruptcy. The company brought me the nutritional foundations of my youth: Ding Dongs, Donettes, Twinkies, Suzy Q’s, Hostess Fruit Pies (with real fruit filling), Sno balls, Zingers and Ho Ho’s. I couldn’t imagine life without them.
I’ve been burnt a time or two by Jeff’s stories, so at first I refused to believe him. But, unfortunately I found out its true. The Wall Street Journal ran a story on January 12th of this year: “Hostess Brands Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Wednesday to confront burdensome debt and labor costs that the Twinkies and Wonder Bread baker says have left it fighting to compete.”
While Hostess is reorganizing so it can survive I thought it would be a good idea to show some support. Wonder Bread, as we all know, “Helps build strong bodies 12 ways.” Here are my 12 suggestions to help build a strong Hostess.
1. Not long ago I became aware of a great way to take care of myself – candy- flavored vitamins for adults. They not only taste great, they’re good for you. So let’s add some zip to Zingers by loading them with all the recommended daily requirements.
2. The government stepped in to save GM, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America and AIG because they are too big to fail; I submit that Hostess is no less important. I demand that Washington keep Hostess from expiring
3. Certainly business would step up if Hostess products were included as part of the school lunch programs. Twinkie the Kid would ride again
4. Make Hostess snack cakes and fruit pies popular again with a new ad slogan. “Hostess, we’ve been ruining appetites since 1921.”
5. Pre-packaged snack cakes make great gifts. And since they seem to last forever, stock up with a case or two so you’ll have some on hand.
6. Everybody likes pie, and what better way to say “Welcome to the neighborhood,” or “Congratulations on your engagement,” than with a delicious Hostess fruit pie (made with real fruit filling). Be sure to have an assortment on hand for the holidays.
7. Hostess could hold a national essay contest with the theme “What’s your favorite Hostess memory?” Mine would include a Hostess blueberry pie (made with real fruit filling) enjoyed on the hood of my car during a summer job lunch break.
8. The Minnesota Twins could sponsor “Twinkie Day.” A pack of Twinkies would be given to everyone at the game.
9. Host a Hostess Party and serve sandwiches made from Wonder bread. Be sure and save the bags. Your guests will be impressed when you demonstrate the many uses of those brightly colored bags. Feet stay warm and dry when protected by stylish Wonder brand bread bags; paint brushes will be ready to use the next time when sealed in a Wonder bag; keep some in your car for trash, and a couple in your pocket just in case.
10. Pack a few Hostess snacks in your vehicle for emergencies. What you consider an emergency is up to you. For some it means being stranded in a snow storm in Northern Minnesota; for others missing lunch qualifies.
11. Bring some Ding Dongs and Sno balls on your next trip to the airport. Whether you choose the pat-down or the full body scan the TSA agents will appreciate the humor and all that delicious Hostess goodness.
12. If the first eleven ideas don’t increase profits to help Hostess “confront burdensome debt,” then perhaps a pack of Donettes could be included in the severance package for their labor force when the company closes its doors.
I’ve been burnt a time or two by Jeff’s stories, so at first I refused to believe him. But, unfortunately I found out its true. The Wall Street Journal ran a story on January 12th of this year: “Hostess Brands Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Wednesday to confront burdensome debt and labor costs that the Twinkies and Wonder Bread baker says have left it fighting to compete.”
While Hostess is reorganizing so it can survive I thought it would be a good idea to show some support. Wonder Bread, as we all know, “Helps build strong bodies 12 ways.” Here are my 12 suggestions to help build a strong Hostess.
1. Not long ago I became aware of a great way to take care of myself – candy- flavored vitamins for adults. They not only taste great, they’re good for you. So let’s add some zip to Zingers by loading them with all the recommended daily requirements.
2. The government stepped in to save GM, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America and AIG because they are too big to fail; I submit that Hostess is no less important. I demand that Washington keep Hostess from expiring
3. Certainly business would step up if Hostess products were included as part of the school lunch programs. Twinkie the Kid would ride again
4. Make Hostess snack cakes and fruit pies popular again with a new ad slogan. “Hostess, we’ve been ruining appetites since 1921.”
5. Pre-packaged snack cakes make great gifts. And since they seem to last forever, stock up with a case or two so you’ll have some on hand.
6. Everybody likes pie, and what better way to say “Welcome to the neighborhood,” or “Congratulations on your engagement,” than with a delicious Hostess fruit pie (made with real fruit filling). Be sure to have an assortment on hand for the holidays.
7. Hostess could hold a national essay contest with the theme “What’s your favorite Hostess memory?” Mine would include a Hostess blueberry pie (made with real fruit filling) enjoyed on the hood of my car during a summer job lunch break.
8. The Minnesota Twins could sponsor “Twinkie Day.” A pack of Twinkies would be given to everyone at the game.
9. Host a Hostess Party and serve sandwiches made from Wonder bread. Be sure and save the bags. Your guests will be impressed when you demonstrate the many uses of those brightly colored bags. Feet stay warm and dry when protected by stylish Wonder brand bread bags; paint brushes will be ready to use the next time when sealed in a Wonder bag; keep some in your car for trash, and a couple in your pocket just in case.
10. Pack a few Hostess snacks in your vehicle for emergencies. What you consider an emergency is up to you. For some it means being stranded in a snow storm in Northern Minnesota; for others missing lunch qualifies.
11. Bring some Ding Dongs and Sno balls on your next trip to the airport. Whether you choose the pat-down or the full body scan the TSA agents will appreciate the humor and all that delicious Hostess goodness.
12. If the first eleven ideas don’t increase profits to help Hostess “confront burdensome debt,” then perhaps a pack of Donettes could be included in the severance package for their labor force when the company closes its doors.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Into the Fog
When I was young the fog used to come up the river from Mankato, stopping only briefly in town to rest before it continued on to the Cities. Walking to school with my brothers and sisters we would have to cross Highway 25. The state road would drop into the valley, cross the river and climb back up again before heading west and then north.
On those damp mornings we would gaze down into the valley and imagine we were on the granite shores of Lake Superior. That’s what it looked like to us. We couldn’t see through the fog, so instead we pretended we couldn’t see across the Great Lake.
The fog obscured what was there and allowed our minds to imagine what was not or perhaps could be. Maybe that’s why fog is found so often in stories – the fog fuels our imaginations.
Walking shrouded in fog on a quiet country lane far beyond the reach of the street lights can be very peaceful when done in the morning. But the same stretch of road takes on a different feeling at night when it’s foggy. A rolling fog often precedes death in movies and books, so you have to keep your imagination on a short leash lest it run out ahead of you in search of Vincent Price and Edgar Allen Poe.
The warm days and cool nights of these past few weeks have ushered in the fog around here. The poet Carl Sandburg said, “The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on.” I try and enjoy its short, infrequent visits before it lifts.
Fog comes in when the proper mix of temperature and moisture has created the right conditions. According to those unpredictable people at www.weatherquestions.com “Fog can be considered a cloud at ground level. The processes forming it, however, are usually different from those that form clouds.”
You can have your head in the clouds or you can have your head in a fog. The first describes someone who is out of touch with reality. The second tells of a person who is confused, forgetful, or unable to concentrate.
But I find that fog actually forces me to focus on the matter at hand. It’s good to have vision that lets you see in the distance, but to really concentrate it sometimes becomes necessary to shut out all distractions.
Take driving for instance. Driving in fog is especially risky. I’ve come dangerously close to missing turns and curves on a foggy night. But I suppose any activity can be dangerous if not accompanied by care and concentration (throwing knives, shooting guns, making toast, etc.).
When everything else is blocked from your view you pay attention to what you can see, what is close at hand. Otherwise the important things can be taken for granted – like taking a walk with your family.
On those damp mornings we would gaze down into the valley and imagine we were on the granite shores of Lake Superior. That’s what it looked like to us. We couldn’t see through the fog, so instead we pretended we couldn’t see across the Great Lake.
The fog obscured what was there and allowed our minds to imagine what was not or perhaps could be. Maybe that’s why fog is found so often in stories – the fog fuels our imaginations.
Walking shrouded in fog on a quiet country lane far beyond the reach of the street lights can be very peaceful when done in the morning. But the same stretch of road takes on a different feeling at night when it’s foggy. A rolling fog often precedes death in movies and books, so you have to keep your imagination on a short leash lest it run out ahead of you in search of Vincent Price and Edgar Allen Poe.
The warm days and cool nights of these past few weeks have ushered in the fog around here. The poet Carl Sandburg said, “The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on.” I try and enjoy its short, infrequent visits before it lifts.
Fog comes in when the proper mix of temperature and moisture has created the right conditions. According to those unpredictable people at www.weatherquestions.com “Fog can be considered a cloud at ground level. The processes forming it, however, are usually different from those that form clouds.”
You can have your head in the clouds or you can have your head in a fog. The first describes someone who is out of touch with reality. The second tells of a person who is confused, forgetful, or unable to concentrate.
But I find that fog actually forces me to focus on the matter at hand. It’s good to have vision that lets you see in the distance, but to really concentrate it sometimes becomes necessary to shut out all distractions.
Take driving for instance. Driving in fog is especially risky. I’ve come dangerously close to missing turns and curves on a foggy night. But I suppose any activity can be dangerous if not accompanied by care and concentration (throwing knives, shooting guns, making toast, etc.).
When everything else is blocked from your view you pay attention to what you can see, what is close at hand. Otherwise the important things can be taken for granted – like taking a walk with your family.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Can I see some ID?
I have a pretty good idea who I am and I can prove it when required. Several times a month I am asked for some kind of identification whether it be at the bank, the library, or some other American institution. I accept this minor disruption in my day as the price I pay for protecting my identity. However, some folks bristle at the thought of being required to provide proof of their identity when voting.
In this country we have privileges, duties and obligations. I believe our constitutionally protected right to vote qualifies for all three. There is talk of amending the Minnesota constitution so that a photo ID is required to be eligible to vote. I have read, heard and listened to the opposition, but I still believe requiring a photo ID would help remove fraud from the voting process.
There are at least two sides to every issue. I, like many others, want voter identification to be a part of the election process, and if it was added as an amendment to the state Constitution it would be protected from judicial tampering. It is easier to prevent fraudulent votes before they happen than trying to correct vote counts afterward.
Those opposed to photo ID for voters claim that if there is any fraud, it is very rare and infrequent. Maybe, but fraud, like many crimes, is invisible until detected. Those opposed to requiring photo ID for voters say it would be an inconvenience to the democratic process. So what? If I have to prove who I am in order to be allowed to vote so be it. That is a small price for liberty.
Let’s examine our day to day comings and goings and see how many hindrances and inconveniences could be removed to make our lives easier and void of responsibility.
Air travel could be smooth sailing without all the fuss over identification and security. Commercial airplanes could be like taxis with wings.
“Atlanta, Georgia please, and step on it.”
“Yes sir…Mr….?
“None of your business – just follow that plane.”
Cashing a check at any bank would be a profitable and easy transaction if you weren’t required to prove your identity.
“I’d like to cash a check.”
“Do you have an account with us?’
“I think so.”
“Great. How much money do you want?”
The appearance of a police car would no longer strike fear into the hearts of wayward drivers because almost anyone would be allowed to drive.
“May I see your license please?”
“License? I don’t need a license. My neighbors can vouch for me.”
If you want to get some books at the public just go get them. You don’t need a library card. Hunting and fishing would be fair game all year long. Anyone and everyone could carry a gun as the permitting process would be considered inconvenient. Proof of citizenship and passports could become a thing of the past (at least in this country). Titles, deeds and other proof of ownership would give way to such time-honored traditions as “finders, keepers” and “possession is nine-tenths of the law.”
Of course that would be silly. No one would expect such careless treatment of our identities, laws and freedoms. So it makes sense to me that our most important one, voting in our elections, should be held to the same standard. Let’s vote on it.
In this country we have privileges, duties and obligations. I believe our constitutionally protected right to vote qualifies for all three. There is talk of amending the Minnesota constitution so that a photo ID is required to be eligible to vote. I have read, heard and listened to the opposition, but I still believe requiring a photo ID would help remove fraud from the voting process.
There are at least two sides to every issue. I, like many others, want voter identification to be a part of the election process, and if it was added as an amendment to the state Constitution it would be protected from judicial tampering. It is easier to prevent fraudulent votes before they happen than trying to correct vote counts afterward.
Those opposed to photo ID for voters claim that if there is any fraud, it is very rare and infrequent. Maybe, but fraud, like many crimes, is invisible until detected. Those opposed to requiring photo ID for voters say it would be an inconvenience to the democratic process. So what? If I have to prove who I am in order to be allowed to vote so be it. That is a small price for liberty.
Let’s examine our day to day comings and goings and see how many hindrances and inconveniences could be removed to make our lives easier and void of responsibility.
Air travel could be smooth sailing without all the fuss over identification and security. Commercial airplanes could be like taxis with wings.
“Atlanta, Georgia please, and step on it.”
“Yes sir…Mr….?
“None of your business – just follow that plane.”
Cashing a check at any bank would be a profitable and easy transaction if you weren’t required to prove your identity.
“I’d like to cash a check.”
“Do you have an account with us?’
“I think so.”
“Great. How much money do you want?”
The appearance of a police car would no longer strike fear into the hearts of wayward drivers because almost anyone would be allowed to drive.
“May I see your license please?”
“License? I don’t need a license. My neighbors can vouch for me.”
If you want to get some books at the public just go get them. You don’t need a library card. Hunting and fishing would be fair game all year long. Anyone and everyone could carry a gun as the permitting process would be considered inconvenient. Proof of citizenship and passports could become a thing of the past (at least in this country). Titles, deeds and other proof of ownership would give way to such time-honored traditions as “finders, keepers” and “possession is nine-tenths of the law.”
Of course that would be silly. No one would expect such careless treatment of our identities, laws and freedoms. So it makes sense to me that our most important one, voting in our elections, should be held to the same standard. Let’s vote on it.
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