S-word

Recently it was suggested that we should drop Swine-flu from our vocabulary. Apparently we can’t blame pigs (swine) for this latest crisis. To be fair to the pigs and those in the business who bring home the bacon, the S-word should be avoided. It’s time the lowly pig got the respect it deserves.

The potential pandemic is part of a persistent public perception problem plaguing the pigs. (O.K. I got that out of my system). For years they have been ridiculed and been the butt of many a joke.

My favorite: Three guys are out for breakfast with their sweethearts and they are all trying to top each other. The first guy looks at his girl and says “Pass the honey, honey.” The second guy turns to his date “Pass the sugar, sweetie.” The third guy, not wanting to be outdone but running out of options says “Pass the bacon, pig.”

This strain of flu has people hiding in their homes of sticks and straw instead of going to the market to buy a fat pig. But the government with its proclivity for substituting words has renamed this strain of flu: H1N1 Novel Influenza Virus.

Not very catchy is it? It’s not exactly Madison Avenue quality, more like Pennsylvania Avenue. Is that the best they can come up with? It’s certainly not very creative. I expected more from our elected leaders. We have indeed cast our pearls before swine.

There have been some notable names they could have used as examples. The Black Plague, The 1918 flu, The Hong Kong Flu are titles that have held up well through history. Bird flu made a valiant effort recently, but the disease never really took off, so you can’t blame the name. You can see why the S-word stubbornly sticks around. There are two syllables to remember and recite instead of …twelve. I don’t like the new name’s chances. Flu is Flu, call it what ever you want, but you can’t put lipstick on a pig.

They could hold a naming contest. This could unite the States of America in a common cause. Here are a few suggestions: Cheney Flu, Son of Montezuma, Climate Change Flu, and The Omega Flu. I can share these names, I’m not a pig.

No one wants their name associated with a disease that threatens to go global – certainly not in these dire economic times. I think we may have gone a bit “hog-wild” though. We don’t even know if this latest scare is going to live up to its hype. Just because something is labeled a crisis doesn’t mean that people will cooperate and panic. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

But there are indications that people are concerned. Of course we must be careful. It certainly is better to be safe than sorry. Across the country schools are closing, meetings are being cancelled, trips postponed and folks are going hog-wild with hysteria.
It may be better if everyone were to stay home in bed until it’s safe again.

I think that the original name is here to stay though, because Swine-flu is just too easy to pronounce and remember. H1N1 Novel Influenza Virus? I don’t like it. People may conclude that the virus is somehow connected with the reading and writing of novels. Don’t we care about the written word anymore? What about the writer who is penning the next great American novel? Have we now placed pigs above writers? The pork lobby must be stronger than the writer’s guild. The S-word is mightier than the pen. That’s all folks.