Understand

I strive to be clear in all that I do, especially when I communicate. For I feel that if my message is not received as I intended then I have failed. So when I came across a phrase that seemed contrary to that attitude I paused and I pondered. It read: “I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.”

Perhaps I don’t understand the message, (which is the beginning of a big circular argument) but I can not help but disagree. It seems lazy and self-centered, a “that’s your problem, not mine,” kind of thinking. When we speak, it is our responsibility to be understood, otherwise what’s the point?

What if I were to write “I’m only responsible for what I write, not what you understand”? I think most would agree that I was missing the point in writing.

What would we think of a teacher where the entire class consistently failed? If the teacher was not understood then perhaps the teacher had failed as well.

It takes effort to ensure that your message is understood. That’s what I dislike about the new way of communicating (texting, emailing, social media, etc.). It’s too easy to have your message manipulated and misunderstood.

I fear we have become too dependent on these types of exchanges. They are poor substitutes for face-to-face conversations where pauses, inflections, facial expressions and body language can communicate a concept better.

Ben Franklin once wrote: "The great secret of succeeding in conversation is to admire little, to hear much; always to distrust our own reason, and sometimes that of our friends; never to pretend to wit, but to make that of others appear as much as possibly we can; to hearken to what is said and to answer to the purpose."

Speaking to one another, or conversing, is an exchange where an idea or thought is shared and passed back and forth. During my junior high school years my friend Tom and I walked to school together. Often we would kick a rock back and forth the entire way (almost a mile). Sometimes we would continue the exchange into the school building: kicking and talking.

We would kick the rock in a way where the other guy could have a turn without too much effort. It was like playing catch where you throw the ball so the other guy has a good chance of catching it. That’s our responsibility in speaking – be certain that the other person can grasp your meaning.

For instance, this is the Christmas season and I prefer to say “Merry Christmas,” instead of “Happy Holidays,” as I want to be clear as to what holiday I am celebrating. I said “Happy Thanksgiving” on the 24th of November; I will say “Happy New Year” at the end of this month and the beginning of the next, but for now it’s Christmas.

You may not always agree with what I say, but if we understand each other we have a better chance of finding common ground. As Dennis Prager states, “I prefer clarity over agreement.”

Merry Christmas.