Need to be Wanted

Whenever I part with my family I always tell them, “Call if you need anything.” It’s not meant as a joke, rather I want to help them in any way I can. I believe I have a good imagination, so I consider some of the possibilities of when I will be called: perhaps they will need a ride somewhere; there may be a problem I can help them solve. It might be that they just need someone to listen to them or a shoulder to lean on. Maybe they just need some money.

I say to call if they “need anything” instead of if they “want anything,” as that list could be much longer. My thesaurus tells me that a need is synonymous with necessity or requirement, whereas a want is similar in meaning to a wish or a desire.

What we want is not always what we need and vice versa. As a kid, I was often told I “needed a good spanking.” Clearly, I did not want one.

To muddy the water further and drive more readers from finishing this silly commentary, may I suggest that most of us (including me) want to be needed? We desire that others will include us, respect us, and befriend us. No one wants to be the last kid waiting to be picked for a team, no one wants to sit at home waiting for the phone to ring or to eat lunch by themselves in a crowded cafeteria.

In sixth grade I was a new kid in a new school. I expected to be treated as an outcast and shunned by the other kids. Instead, Mark, the most popular kid in the class, befriended me and my life was forever changed. I gained self-confidence and learned that school was a place where I could find happiness and joy. I needed a friend and Mark stepped forward, and for that I will love him forever.

As an adult, my needs have largely remained the same: I still need friends who want to include me in their activities, and I want to be needed; I am needy that way. Still, I don’t have too many ill-conceived perceptions where my services are required. My office runs just fine without me there, my wife needs no help in baby-sitting our grandsons, I am never called to help with a construction project in the neighborhood, and the band I play with probably sounds better without me and my banjo. Still, it’s nice to be included. Often I am forced to conclude that I am neither needed here nor there and I move on to the next void.

I believe it’s necessary to be flexible in one’s schedule so that if you are called to help you have options available to you. I want to be the kind of guy who can be counted on when people ask for my support. It’s important to me that my friends and family know I would do anything for them. “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” And family.