Nan

Last week I received a letter from a woman reminding me, not once, but twice, how important the relationships between siblings are. I’ve never met Nan, but I can guess from the content and style of her letter she has welcomed about seventy springs.   

Her hand written letter (the best kind) used a beautiful cursive style that required me to slow my reading pace. By taking my time I was able to imagine that I could hear her speak to me. Her words seemed audible instead of just readable. In addition to her attractive script, I also appreciated her choice of words. “Keenly,” “lovingly,” and “commentary” aren’t words I often come across in our modern, digital world.

Nan wrote some kind words about my weekly mish–mash of ill–conceived thoughts. I have referred to it as “my column,” when I wanted to sound literary, “essay,” when I wanted to appear thoughtful, and “weird” when I felt stupid. Others have called them “stories,” “articles” and “letters to the editor.” Nan referred to my weekly offering as “your commentary.” I like it.

Her perspective regarding the importance of family has been sharpened recently. In a little over three years Nan has lost all three of her siblings. Brothers and sisters, in her words, “are quite often our oldest & closest relationships, & when we lose them it somehow severs that most important connection to our past.”

She wrote about her past that included a father who was a newspaper man, both a writer and an editor. Like me, Nan prefers books over electronic devices for reading. Her love of reading and writing was apparently learned at home. “My Mom and Dad read to each other & I know a device couldn’t replace that.”

As a grandmother she has read local newspaper articles about the “activities,” of her grandchildren, but now “they have all graduated and moved on in their lives.” At some point, we must all move on in our lives. The printed page records a moment in time; sadly it does not allow one to go back in time.

My wife, Rhonda, and I have had brothers die early in their lives. Whether death comes when a person is in their thirties, fifties or another time, reading your sibling’s obituary in the newspaper is too late for wishes of how things could have been. However, it is a good time to take stock of your relationship with those that are still living.

If there are letters to write, phone calls to make or fences to mend, remember that it will take some effort; they won’t get done on their own. My dad used to say, “Go the extra mile.” I used to think he meant distance, I now know he meant effort. I have a letter to write.

I got Nan’s letter on the second anniversary of my brother Dan’s death. You may call it coincidence if that suits you; I prefer to think of it as divine intervention. In the closing of her timely letter Nan added “P.S. Hold your siblings close!!” Thank you Nan, lesson learned.